Saturday, January 26, 2008

Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea...

As a general rule, I would disagree with anyone but I will defend their right to say it. But time and again, there are those whose outrageous comments do deserve to have the disinfecting power of sunlight shone on them.

Case in point is former pro wrestler "The Ultimate Warrior," who has reinvented himself as a right-wing-nut commentator. His tasteless rant on the untimely death of actor Heath Ledger generated so much negative heat he now has requested around-the-clock police protection from local law enforcement as a consequence. Case in point:

Apparently, Leather Hedger had sleeping troubles and anxiety and dealt with terrible mood swings. So do soldiers but they don’t self-destructively fuck up their lives. In fact, they don’t sleep, handle anxiety and mood swings while dealing with whether or not they might at any moment lose their life. And they do this all the while they are dangerously protecting the freedom of others to fuck up their own. By the way, how many 28 (or older or younger) year old soldiers met their death yesterday? It’s not easy to find out. None of them made the headlines of any news.

By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. After all, Leather Hedger did what it took to kill himself. His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery. Hogan, on the other hand, won’t go quite that far. He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children.

But perhaps the precusor to the Ledger controversy that got him in such scalding water was his rants on celebutante Paris Hilton:

"The character of the Hilton name has fallen in disgrace at the same pace and level as America’s, and most Americans, cultural integrity. Less than 100 years ago it was pride in the job one provided and the quality of principle the individual practiced that created and stood for success. Now it’s how pathetically low your behavior can go and how many paparazzi will jeopardize their own life and limb to sychophantically follow you around photographing your vulgar acts one after the other. All of the latter, mind you, now financed by the former.

He later goes on to add, "If Paris Hilton is the prostitute now finding herself being made the example, so be it. We all come to make the beds we lie in. She’s made hers, too. And you can bet it’s not the filthiest one she’s ever been handcuffed to. Give me a break. She’s an absolute tramp. Her $1000 an ounce perfumes can’t begin to conceal her slutty stench.

Let's face it, folks. Paris Hilton may be a media whore like Zsa Zsa Gabor in her heyday, and Heath Ledger may have made some poor choices with respect to pharaceutals, but such tastelessness is the reason why we have the mute buttons on our remote controls. And no matter how hard we try to ignore them away, they're still attention-whoring to anyone who's willing to pay them any mind.

And now, a word from Pepto-Bismol. For most common stomach discomforts, pink does more than you think.

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