Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Adieu, Mr. Blackwell

Credit: Associated Press

Mr. Blackwell, the fashion designer known for his annual "10 Worst-Dressed Women list," died last Monday from complications stemming from an intestinal infection. He was 86.

Among some of his more notorious commentaries:

Madonna: "The Bare-Bottomed Bore of Babylon."

Barbra Streisand: "She looks like a masculine Bride of Frankenstein.

"Christina Aguilera: "A dazzling singer who puts good taste through the wardrobe wringer.

"Meryl Streep: "Forget Lemony Snicket — Streep packs the fashion punch of Jiminy Cricket! In dowdy glasses and lumpy tents, Meryl is A Series of Unfortunate Events!"

Melanie Griffith: "A botox'd cockatoo in a painting by Dali!"

Donatella Versace: "Resembles a flash-fried Venus, stuck in a Miami strip mall."

Katherine Harris: "The pretty, brassy lassie from Tallahassee needs cosmetic direction - her paint-by-numbers make-up screams out for discretion! A recount please!"

Linda Tripp "Linda's bad fashion 'tripp' is beyond debate - a shaggy sheepdog in drag, the 'Starr' of her own Stylegate."

Sharon Stone: "An over-the-hill Cruella DeVille."

Ali MacGraw: "Pocohatas wearing remmants from Custer's Last Stand."

Diana Ross: "A martian meter maid performing in a can-can revue."

Patti Davis: "Packs all the glamour of an old, worn-out sneaker."

Ann Margret: "A Hells Angel escapee who invaded the Ziegfeld Follies on a rainy night."

Camilla Parker-Bowles: "In feathered hats that were once the rage, she resembles a parakeet from the Jurassic age. A royal wreck."

Paris Hilton: "The Burger Queen Sensation may be very rich – but she still looks like yesterday's cheesecake... with a side of kitsch."

Glenn Close: "Forget 'Sunset Boulevard'. Glenn's taken a detour down 'Nightmare Alley'"

Bjork: "She dances in the dark — and dresses there, too."

Jayne Mansfield: "She looked like a Pepto-Bismol ad, without the medicinal benefits. Ironically, Pepto-Bismol appears to be the perfect antidote."

Bette Midler: "Betsy Bloomer...didn't you know hoop skirts went out with pantalooms?"

Even as his health was declining, his wit was as caustic as ever, as evidenced by his last listings:

Amy Winehouse: "Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below…she's part 50's car-hop horror."

Alison Arngrim: "Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940's fashion editor for the Farmers' Almanac."

With every critique a roll-on-the-floor howler that had me laughing, it was something that I looked forward to.

Rest in peace. At least fashionistas can sleep at night knowing they are spared the wrath of your acidic penmanship.

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